sana 1 month pa lang tayo...

sana one month pa lang tayo.. baket?

- kase dati dinadalaw mo ako sa amin
- kase dati sumasama ka sa sa amin
- kase dati nakakalabas pa tayo at nakakanood ng sine pag weekends
- kase dati ramdam ko yung super kilig feeling...

- ngayon kase parang wala na yun
- ngayon kase sabi mo familiar na tayo sa isa't isa kaya ganun

pero teka, hindi ba dapat dahil mas familiar na tayo eh dapat alam naten kung ano yung gusto at nagpapasaya paminsan minsan sa mahal mo?

hindi naman malaking effort hinihiling ko eh. ano ba naman yung manood tayo ng sine sa friday? iniisip ko magrereview ka, pero hindi naman nangyayari yun..

sine lang naman eh. sobra na ba yun?


NALULUNGKOT AKO!

when is my time...

eversince i had my boyfriend, i always look forward to that day, when i would be in that white long gown and holding a bouquet.. kelan kaya?

and just a few minutes ago i was watching videos a friend made for some people who are planning to get married. nakakatouch. nakakatuwa. nakakakilig. at higit sa lahat, parang nakakainggit..

simula nung naging kami ni M, eh we've been talking about our wedding. not so explicitly sa mga details and so, pero practical stuff. like when kaya kami may ipon na, how much the budget will be and so on.

M is not the romantic type. hindi nga daw sya sweet according to him. pero sabi nya lang un. akala nya lang siguro yun.

hindi naman ako malungkot, in fact, natutuwa in a sense na it doesn't scare him talking about that big day! sabi namin sa 2011. pero sana yun din ang plan ni Lord, no? ;)

--- random pics----

yan si hon. kasama yung isang mata ni pepper.. eh kase naman,pinanggigilan si Pepper..
Next time, upload pako dami. Pinagtripan ko lang sila ni Pepper dito habang tulog pa si Hon. hahaha. :)

friends? uwi na... work...

daming chika tong entry ko..

-----

ayun. booooring sa work. hehe. kahit alam kong maraming work. haha. in short natatamad ako. *lingon sa paligid, baka may nagbabasa ng tinatype ko* haha!

anyways, i've been checking my FB resto from time to time. eh laging down, so ayun, nagayus ng outlook email. eh kakatamad din. haha. kaya eto nagblog.

so ayun na nga. inaccept ng ex nya ang friendship invite ko sa FB. eh matagal narin naman yung "isyu" namin, so i guess we're really ok.

hindi ko naman dedeny. medyo imbyerna parin ako paminsan minsan. i guess ganun talaga. babae ako at may emosyon, tulad nya. ewan. ipagpapasa Diyos ko nalang talaga.
Hay Lord, help me po! :)

So kamusta kami ni BF? so far, so good. bukas eh independence day sa Pinas, so date na naman kami. hehe. tuwing holidays lang namin kami nagkakaron ng chance magdate. haha!

----

ibang chica..

si MINK, uuwi na dito.. sa *toot* secret muna eh. ah basta, excitement ang lola mo. gimik galore kami ni MINK-MINK. miss ko yun eh, bonggang bongga talaga. i feel like i can be myself at all times with her (take note of that word ah!) haha! and i just hope she feels the same talaga. iba ang feeling eh. kase yung mga sisters ko naman eh medyo malaki age gap, so medyo lost ang lola mo. diba? although im blessed with my sisters pero iba parin yung may ka-level kang sisterette diba? :)
sana matuloy ang mga lakad naten.
post ako pics pag nagkaron kami ng many pics. of course, si Belle ang photographer namin! hay! excited ako!
Mink, magphotoshoot tayo ah! punta tayo sa manila! intramuros and the like! super excited nako!

------
toxic sa work. haha. kaya tinatamad ako minsan. haha. anu daw? honestly, i wanna take a one week leave. sana sama si BF. haha! kaso pareho kami needed super duper sa work. hay pano ba itesh?

-----

awa ako kay Ma. dipa padala si pa ng pambayad sa house. :( hay, kung pwede lang akong umebak ng pera aba eh gagawin ko maghapon at magdamag. kaya ayoko pa rin magsettle down. yoko nakikita ganun si Ma eh. huhuhuhu..

-----

osha naiiyak na naman ako. kaloka. PERIOD.

isip isip...

isang beses ko palang nakakasama yun family nya. and it was during an outreach event we had last february. it was his whole family there. masaya nun. pero syempre no chance to kwent kwento etc.

tapos nun, nakausap ko ulit ng mabilis mommy nya nung minsang sinundo nila siya sa opisina. nag-effort ako nun na sumama sa kanya, para mag-hi lang. yun.

naiisip ko kase na baka sabihin nila eh suplada ako. na baket ganun gf ng anak nila.

eh kase din naman no, hindi pa ako nakakapunta sa kanila - sa bulacan. north to south kase ang drama ng geography namin eh. hmmmm, pero diba dapat mag-effort. eh kase si M din naman eh nagpapakapractical. sabi nya, masyado daw malayo for me and wala naman daw occassions para isama ako dun.

oo nga naman. ano nga ba naman gagawin namin dun.

hay, napapaisip lang ako.

tama na nga.

Reklamo #1

hindi to actually ang unang reklamo ko kay sa kanya. marami na, pero ngayon ko lang naisipan i-blog. anyways, eto ang nangyari.

nasa trabaho ako, wala sya. nagYM sya saken, typical kwentuhan. tapos nagsabi na "hon dipa ko nagdidinner" so ako naisip ko na gusto mo bilhan ka ng food. so ayun na nga, bibilhan ko nalang ikaw. hindi agad sya makadecide kung san papabili, naiirita nako. nahihirapan magchat at magtrabaho at the sametime kase ngarag nako dahil nga malapit na uwian.

and so i called him, sya pa nainis. kase naman hindi daw nya alam kung ano yung "smokey's" kung brand daw ba yun o ano. sasagutin ko lang daw naman. anyway, natapos ang usapan na yun bibilhin ko. iritable ako, pero ok pa naman.

so i bought his dinner, hindi nga lang sa smokey's kase sarado na.

pagdating ng shuttle (may service provided kase company namin), intay nalang ako sa ibang passengers. kainis kase yung ibang kasabay ko eh hindi alam ang daan, so naligaw pa. in short, ako ang huling hinatid kase out of the way sa kanila, at ala una nako nakauwi! gr. iritable parin ako, pero ok pa.

pagbaba ko ng shuttle, ang lakas ng ulan. basa ako. gr. kairita, pero ok parin, i cant stop the sky from raining.

pagpasok ng apartment, humambalong saken ang makalat na dining table namin! ang kinainan niya andun! nakatiwangwang sa lamesa. take note, disposable ang pinagkainan nya, pwedeng itapon, pero hindi tinapon. kung tinatamad naman humakbang papuntang dirty kitchen para itapon, pwede narin ihagis sa sink, wag lang makalat sa table. believe, it was sooooo messy. ayoko ng kalat - and he perfectly knows that.
pagpasok ng kwarto - badtrip - MAJOR KALAT! the bed was like a disaster, pillows everywhere, shirts (used) laying in the bed, his jacket was on the bed, laptop bag opened on thebed as well! and to add more, books were on the floor, lan cable and more!!!

hindi nako nagsalita, nagligpit nalang ako. iritable ako. ang bwiset, NAIINIS NAKO!

yun lang! nakakainis. baket parang hindi nya nacoconsider tong mga bagay nato. sinabi ko na naman sakanya to eh. AYOKO NG KALAT. yun nalang ang contribution nya - wag magkalat. ive already told him how i wanted things to be in place.

pustahan tayo, pagdating nya ng apartment, ayun, nanood ng NBA. fine. i respect that. he wants his time, pero naman, may commercial diba? i mean kung ayaw nyang magligpit, edi atleast man lang, wag nang magkalat. dba ganun lang naman kasimple yun? mahirap ba yun? kung mahirap yun, baket maraming tao na nakakagwa nun? diba? punyeta talaga.

hay napapamura na ako.

note: this is just the first. i hope there's more to come. im blogging about this all because wanted to keep track of everything. again, everything.

maybe tracking will help me decide and think about this relationship.

on the side, i dont want to give up easily. but we'll see. life is full of risks, and im taking one now - again.

period.

so what's up?

been having "draft blogs" in my site.. as always i would start one and won't end up finishing them.. whew.. i hope this time, it does..

so what's up?

after all those drama i've had with some people, i managed to survive! yep! as always. i always thank the Lord for keeping me up and straight all through those times.. :)

fun times with the family is always fun! although we don't get to go out and have dinner or what, my mom's food is even better than what they would say "our best seller".. my mom's food at the dinner table is always the best for me.

marc and i had our times, but hey, i guess that's all because we're two different people, trying to work things out. im just glad that he's the type who would want to talk about a misunderstanding right then and there.. ako kase, i would myself to cool down a bit and then yun na, talk na. i hate it sometimes, but i see the essence in it. kung galit, eh di sabihin, wala nang arte arte pa, as what marc would always say. he hates me being maarte when we have issues, like, wala nang paliguy-ligoy pa. if he asks and the only answer is either a yes or a no, then yes or no lang talaga. he'll ask for explanation if he think he needs one. im learning.. and he's learning. :) bottomline - we're both doing great..

work? whew! very very busy! but hey, i managed to pass my certification exam! weeeee! :) besides those busy and full of tickets team, my mind still managed to sip the information from 3 inch book i studied! whew! super thanks kay Lord.. from the beginning up to the end, i was like "Lord, help me ha? im doing my job and im pretty sure, you'll bless it" grrrraaabeee talaga.. and this coming week? ayun, training again! minsan it's like i feel bad kase i dont get to work much when im on training, but i guess ganun talaga eh. hehe..

and my friends? haaay, i hardly see them.. well except for those in the office because of course i get to see them everyday - 9 hours! haha. but they are really just few people whom i consider as you know, as friends talaga! i miss peej and trace! and so does the allsides and vero!

what's up for me in the next coming weeks? hmmm.. i surely dont know, but i am pretty sure that the Lord will always be by my side.. :)

i no longer call myself a "christian"

ive been part of this church since 2003 and since then i felt like i was part of a new family - very homey.. until the time came that my church attendance was not 100% because of work or i was sick.

i have epilepsy. and for me to avoid attacks, i have to have atleast 8 hours of sleep everyday. in 2005, i had transferred and tried my luck in the IT world (which i shouldve been part of since i was a comsci grad). anyway, part of the job was to work on graveyard shift which means that i should be asleep in the morning and work in the evening.

you see, worship on sundays are fine. but there are also activities on saturdays that i SHOULD be there (as what the "elders' wives and my so-called friends would say). of course, i couldn't attend activities on a saturday because i need to catch up on my 8-hour sleep.

and so, i wasn't having the complete attendance then.

they started calling me "not holy", "prodigal daughter", "the one who doesn't read the Bible" blah blah blah.

i was able to swallow all those... but then a friend of mine told me it isn't fair. so i started praying for transferring to a new church.

just this year, i was able to. :) thank goodness!

*to be continued*

your way, your way, your way...

naiinis ako.
nagtalo na naman kami ni M. may maganda pa naman sana akong balita about work. kaso kinokontra nya ako.

naawa lang ako sa sarili ko. parang he would always want things done his way.

*erase erase erase!!!*

nakausap ko si kuya ruel. a Christian classmate in La Salle. :) and i was encouraged with the verse we had a discussion about. Actually i was venting out sakanya about my conversation with M today. how i was so pissed off at him.

after a lot of discussion and exchange of words, we then talked about LOVE and GOD.

then came the verse John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends..

that basically is how God loved us. he was willing to lay down his life!!! and if i really love M and so do my family and friends, i should be willing to do the same.

so ayun na nga. ok nako.

Thank you Lord! :)

this is it...

kakausapin ko ang ex...

baket? aba edi magsosorry ako. hmm, alam ko naman na nasaktan ko sya, pero ako din naman eh. ang balak ko, magsosorry ako, sasabihin ang side ko, tapos kung ok lang sakanya eh, share nya rin side nya of the story.

ang goal: maging ok kami.

note: hindi importante saken na malaman ng ibang tao na nagsorry ako. wala akong pakialam dun. ang mas importante saken eh makahingi ako ng sorry, at mabigyan ng kapatawaran.

Dear Lord,

Thank you po at You have granted me the heart to be humble and for taking away this pride sa puso ko. Thank you din po at nireveal mo saken at tinulungan mo kong magheal, para mas makita ko ang whole picture. :) Hay, sana po ready na rin si Jesse na makipagusap saken. Hindi ko po lalagyan ng kung anu anong palabok. Sorry, ask for forgivesness - period.

love you po!

unfair?

wala akong mahingan ng opinyon dito sa opisina. lunes kase, lahat busy. eh ako? busy narin, hindi lang mapakali sa nararamdaman ngayon.

ok, si tinitingnan ko FB ni ate. nakita ko may comment ex ko sa kanya. malamang eh naggreet si ate sa kanya, kase birthday nya nung march 4. ako naman, naalala ko naman na bday nya. mahirap atang kalimutan yun. kase bukod sa magkabirthday sila ng bestfriend kong si Charm, et talgang naging malaki ang parte nya sa buhay ko.

ngayon, nalulungkot ako. kase tinuring ko na naman syang kaibigan. in fact, i would want us to be friends - for real. kaso kase, mukhang malaki ang impact nun kay marc. nasasaktan sya. kase alam nya lahat ng nangyari at ginawa saken ni rj (ex) .

anyway, eto ang parang unfair ata. since ayaw ni marc na makipagcommunicate ako kay rj, eh gusto ko. bilang friend lang naman. gusto ko lang talaga sya greet nung birthday nya.

yun lang. mali ba yun?

hay ewan.

*back to work na nga*

drama ni bunso..

parang type ko na talaga dito ah. hehe. kase walang nakikialam sa mga sinusulat ko. napapadalas tuloy ang sulat ko.

o sige magddrama na naman ako.

hindi kase ako umuwi ng cavite this weekend. una kase dahil bridal shower nung saturday, tapos yun eh msama din pakiramdam ko. si mudra ayun, nagsabi na sila nalang daw ni tado (tita ko, short for tiTA DOrie)ang ppunta dito sa apartment..

ok, so uwi ako ng mga 2am sunday from the party. konting watch ng tv, wash, tapos sleep.

the following day nagising na lang ako na they're doing the laundry na. ako ayun, nakahilata parin. sama pa nga ng pakiramdam eh. tapos maya maya eh bangon narin, nakikigulo sa ginagawa nila. hehe. tapos yun, nagonline nako. konting laro with Belle (yung DSLR ko).

tapos nung time na kumain, bili lang ng lutong ulam.

sila ma at tado, naglinis din ng apartment.

in short talaga - senorita ako for the day. hay.

sinamahan din nila akong mamalengke. tapos balik ng apartment then uwi na sila. sumabay ako kase i was planning to have my nails done, eh kaso sarado, so bumili na lang ako ng gamot. pagkabili ko eh inantay pa nila ko makasakay ng pedicab pauwi apt.

so eto na ang drama. pagdating ng apt, naiyak nako. kase mag-isa na naman ako. alam ko naman na kasama ko si Pepper (yung baby doll namin ni Marc) kaso iba parin talaga eh. naisip ko, namimiss ko na talaga nanay ko.

tapos dagdag pa nun, naisip ko rin, kaya ko na kaya talagang magsarili? kunwari pag kinasal nako. hindi kaya naman gabi gabi eh umiiyak ako. haha.

wala lang. kase naman, 27 nako eh para parin akong teenager sa gantong aspeto. i guess i really have to mature in this area. :)

yun lang.

maldita..

gusto kong mag-maldita ng sobra sobra.. pero narealize ko hindi naman dapat, at saka bad din yun. yoko din. ay ang gulo!

anyways, kagabi, galing ako sa bridal shower ni chickoy. she's a friend of mine sa office pero hindi naman kami super close. hindi ko nga alam kung baket ako na-invite eh. actually mas close ata kmi ng fiance nya - si Guj. kase paminsan minsan eh nag-uusap kami ni Guj about God. :) yun.

so ayun na nga, invited ako. honestly, nung una, i was excited about planning the party. i was one of those who were assigned by her maid of honor - si mich (team mate ko kase at super girl friend), to handle the funds and keeping everyone posted about everything, etc.

but eventually, i kinda lost interest in being part of it. kase naman common friend namin ni chix si jesse, yung ex ni marc. actually, mas close ni si chix kay jesse, kase naman, mas matagal na silang magkakakilala. so ayun na nga, eh weeks before the party eh medyo may mga hindi magagandang balita ang kumalat! my gosh, maldita ang drama ko dito! ako ang b*tch! nagkapalitan ng maaanghang na blog entries sa multiply kami! heller, malay ko bang may multiply din sya at nagbblog din sya no? eh ang sabi ko lang naman eh natatawa ako't talagang binura "nya" ako sa friends' list nya ako sa Facebook! eh ni hindi ko nga binanggit pangalan nya dun eh. masyado kase syang assuming..

so ayun na nga, inisip nya eh sya yun. so ang drama nya eh mega blog din daw. hindi ko naman nabasa kase wa ako care. kiber na no! *maldita*

so some concerned friends of mine, got me into this talk. pinamukha nila saken ang kamalditahan ko. so sinabi ko rin lang na i wouldn't have done such, if she didn't call me names! odiba? eh totoo naman eh. it takes two to tango.

*ok, balik tayo sa shower party scene*

i got there early. i was with karen, sarah and rey (o lalaki si rey, pero sya yung magppicture picture, bf sya ni karen). pagdating dun eh lafang agad kami ng mga tinake out namin. at si bf, ayun, major text na kung asan na kami, etc.

dumating din si tita meng, ang super kikay na mom ni mich! sa totoo lang, hindi ko sya nakilala! aba, mantakin mo, mas maganda pa kay mich! hehe. eh since ka chika ko na eversince si tita, eh ayun, kwentuhan kami. nangamusta tungkol samin ni M. at syempre dami kong nakwento.

after awhile, mich handed her phone to tita, someone's asking for directions daw. then si jesse pala. hehe. eh since hindi familiar si tita sa dinaanan nila jesse, ako rin ang kumausap. a few minutes later ayun, the doorbell rang and since i was near the door, akech na ang nagbukas.. at ayun, siya pala.. so casual lang.

at si tita meng, nakakatuwa! hindi umuwi hangga't hindi nakakausap at nakikita ng malapitan si jesse. loka talaga yun si tita. hehe! sabi ko nang hindi ako maldita eh. *hihi*

as the program started,i also strarting feeling uneasy. it seemed like everybody's at ease with each other. i just busied myself with teh games. deadma. kaso eto, jesse and i are in the same team. *deadma ulit*

first game was the very common "Dress up the Bride and Maid of Honor" yoko maging bride, kase mas type kong magdesign ng gown, kaya ayun, si Jesse nalang. i was fixing her gown then. it was like the typical chika chika with a friend..

it was nice..

really nice..

alam mo, hindi naman talaga ako maldita eh. naggiging ganun lang pag may nag mamaldita saken! sus, kagaya na lang nung may nang away sa nanay ko sa jeep. aba eh di nakatikim sya saken. haha!

so ang conclusion of the night, i was close to saying "uy, usap tayo ah" kay jesse. pero buti nalang hindi natuloy. hindi dahil ayokong maunang magsorry. but all because i want to fix myself muna. i want to make sure na ok nako. na when i ask forgiveness eh yun na yun. wala nang bitterness at hindi na maglookback or like mangsumbat or whatever you call that. i want myself to heal first! hello! lahat tayo may karapatan dun.

as for, ipagddasal ko rin that whatever she feels for me, or for whatever happened, eh maging ok na feelings nya when i talk to her. yun.

so there. i hope things would work out fine.

i have learned my lesson and i hope she also did.

period.

first...

first entry.. obviously.. ;)