your way, your way, your way...

naiinis ako.
nagtalo na naman kami ni M. may maganda pa naman sana akong balita about work. kaso kinokontra nya ako.

naawa lang ako sa sarili ko. parang he would always want things done his way.

*erase erase erase!!!*

nakausap ko si kuya ruel. a Christian classmate in La Salle. :) and i was encouraged with the verse we had a discussion about. Actually i was venting out sakanya about my conversation with M today. how i was so pissed off at him.

after a lot of discussion and exchange of words, we then talked about LOVE and GOD.

then came the verse John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends..

that basically is how God loved us. he was willing to lay down his life!!! and if i really love M and so do my family and friends, i should be willing to do the same.

so ayun na nga. ok nako.

Thank you Lord! :)

this is it...

kakausapin ko ang ex...

baket? aba edi magsosorry ako. hmm, alam ko naman na nasaktan ko sya, pero ako din naman eh. ang balak ko, magsosorry ako, sasabihin ang side ko, tapos kung ok lang sakanya eh, share nya rin side nya of the story.

ang goal: maging ok kami.

note: hindi importante saken na malaman ng ibang tao na nagsorry ako. wala akong pakialam dun. ang mas importante saken eh makahingi ako ng sorry, at mabigyan ng kapatawaran.

Dear Lord,

Thank you po at You have granted me the heart to be humble and for taking away this pride sa puso ko. Thank you din po at nireveal mo saken at tinulungan mo kong magheal, para mas makita ko ang whole picture. :) Hay, sana po ready na rin si Jesse na makipagusap saken. Hindi ko po lalagyan ng kung anu anong palabok. Sorry, ask for forgivesness - period.

love you po!

unfair?

wala akong mahingan ng opinyon dito sa opisina. lunes kase, lahat busy. eh ako? busy narin, hindi lang mapakali sa nararamdaman ngayon.

ok, si tinitingnan ko FB ni ate. nakita ko may comment ex ko sa kanya. malamang eh naggreet si ate sa kanya, kase birthday nya nung march 4. ako naman, naalala ko naman na bday nya. mahirap atang kalimutan yun. kase bukod sa magkabirthday sila ng bestfriend kong si Charm, et talgang naging malaki ang parte nya sa buhay ko.

ngayon, nalulungkot ako. kase tinuring ko na naman syang kaibigan. in fact, i would want us to be friends - for real. kaso kase, mukhang malaki ang impact nun kay marc. nasasaktan sya. kase alam nya lahat ng nangyari at ginawa saken ni rj (ex) .

anyway, eto ang parang unfair ata. since ayaw ni marc na makipagcommunicate ako kay rj, eh gusto ko. bilang friend lang naman. gusto ko lang talaga sya greet nung birthday nya.

yun lang. mali ba yun?

hay ewan.

*back to work na nga*

drama ni bunso..

parang type ko na talaga dito ah. hehe. kase walang nakikialam sa mga sinusulat ko. napapadalas tuloy ang sulat ko.

o sige magddrama na naman ako.

hindi kase ako umuwi ng cavite this weekend. una kase dahil bridal shower nung saturday, tapos yun eh msama din pakiramdam ko. si mudra ayun, nagsabi na sila nalang daw ni tado (tita ko, short for tiTA DOrie)ang ppunta dito sa apartment..

ok, so uwi ako ng mga 2am sunday from the party. konting watch ng tv, wash, tapos sleep.

the following day nagising na lang ako na they're doing the laundry na. ako ayun, nakahilata parin. sama pa nga ng pakiramdam eh. tapos maya maya eh bangon narin, nakikigulo sa ginagawa nila. hehe. tapos yun, nagonline nako. konting laro with Belle (yung DSLR ko).

tapos nung time na kumain, bili lang ng lutong ulam.

sila ma at tado, naglinis din ng apartment.

in short talaga - senorita ako for the day. hay.

sinamahan din nila akong mamalengke. tapos balik ng apartment then uwi na sila. sumabay ako kase i was planning to have my nails done, eh kaso sarado, so bumili na lang ako ng gamot. pagkabili ko eh inantay pa nila ko makasakay ng pedicab pauwi apt.

so eto na ang drama. pagdating ng apt, naiyak nako. kase mag-isa na naman ako. alam ko naman na kasama ko si Pepper (yung baby doll namin ni Marc) kaso iba parin talaga eh. naisip ko, namimiss ko na talaga nanay ko.

tapos dagdag pa nun, naisip ko rin, kaya ko na kaya talagang magsarili? kunwari pag kinasal nako. hindi kaya naman gabi gabi eh umiiyak ako. haha.

wala lang. kase naman, 27 nako eh para parin akong teenager sa gantong aspeto. i guess i really have to mature in this area. :)

yun lang.

maldita..

gusto kong mag-maldita ng sobra sobra.. pero narealize ko hindi naman dapat, at saka bad din yun. yoko din. ay ang gulo!

anyways, kagabi, galing ako sa bridal shower ni chickoy. she's a friend of mine sa office pero hindi naman kami super close. hindi ko nga alam kung baket ako na-invite eh. actually mas close ata kmi ng fiance nya - si Guj. kase paminsan minsan eh nag-uusap kami ni Guj about God. :) yun.

so ayun na nga, invited ako. honestly, nung una, i was excited about planning the party. i was one of those who were assigned by her maid of honor - si mich (team mate ko kase at super girl friend), to handle the funds and keeping everyone posted about everything, etc.

but eventually, i kinda lost interest in being part of it. kase naman common friend namin ni chix si jesse, yung ex ni marc. actually, mas close ni si chix kay jesse, kase naman, mas matagal na silang magkakakilala. so ayun na nga, eh weeks before the party eh medyo may mga hindi magagandang balita ang kumalat! my gosh, maldita ang drama ko dito! ako ang b*tch! nagkapalitan ng maaanghang na blog entries sa multiply kami! heller, malay ko bang may multiply din sya at nagbblog din sya no? eh ang sabi ko lang naman eh natatawa ako't talagang binura "nya" ako sa friends' list nya ako sa Facebook! eh ni hindi ko nga binanggit pangalan nya dun eh. masyado kase syang assuming..

so ayun na nga, inisip nya eh sya yun. so ang drama nya eh mega blog din daw. hindi ko naman nabasa kase wa ako care. kiber na no! *maldita*

so some concerned friends of mine, got me into this talk. pinamukha nila saken ang kamalditahan ko. so sinabi ko rin lang na i wouldn't have done such, if she didn't call me names! odiba? eh totoo naman eh. it takes two to tango.

*ok, balik tayo sa shower party scene*

i got there early. i was with karen, sarah and rey (o lalaki si rey, pero sya yung magppicture picture, bf sya ni karen). pagdating dun eh lafang agad kami ng mga tinake out namin. at si bf, ayun, major text na kung asan na kami, etc.

dumating din si tita meng, ang super kikay na mom ni mich! sa totoo lang, hindi ko sya nakilala! aba, mantakin mo, mas maganda pa kay mich! hehe. eh since ka chika ko na eversince si tita, eh ayun, kwentuhan kami. nangamusta tungkol samin ni M. at syempre dami kong nakwento.

after awhile, mich handed her phone to tita, someone's asking for directions daw. then si jesse pala. hehe. eh since hindi familiar si tita sa dinaanan nila jesse, ako rin ang kumausap. a few minutes later ayun, the doorbell rang and since i was near the door, akech na ang nagbukas.. at ayun, siya pala.. so casual lang.

at si tita meng, nakakatuwa! hindi umuwi hangga't hindi nakakausap at nakikita ng malapitan si jesse. loka talaga yun si tita. hehe! sabi ko nang hindi ako maldita eh. *hihi*

as the program started,i also strarting feeling uneasy. it seemed like everybody's at ease with each other. i just busied myself with teh games. deadma. kaso eto, jesse and i are in the same team. *deadma ulit*

first game was the very common "Dress up the Bride and Maid of Honor" yoko maging bride, kase mas type kong magdesign ng gown, kaya ayun, si Jesse nalang. i was fixing her gown then. it was like the typical chika chika with a friend..

it was nice..

really nice..

alam mo, hindi naman talaga ako maldita eh. naggiging ganun lang pag may nag mamaldita saken! sus, kagaya na lang nung may nang away sa nanay ko sa jeep. aba eh di nakatikim sya saken. haha!

so ang conclusion of the night, i was close to saying "uy, usap tayo ah" kay jesse. pero buti nalang hindi natuloy. hindi dahil ayokong maunang magsorry. but all because i want to fix myself muna. i want to make sure na ok nako. na when i ask forgiveness eh yun na yun. wala nang bitterness at hindi na maglookback or like mangsumbat or whatever you call that. i want myself to heal first! hello! lahat tayo may karapatan dun.

as for, ipagddasal ko rin that whatever she feels for me, or for whatever happened, eh maging ok na feelings nya when i talk to her. yun.

so there. i hope things would work out fine.

i have learned my lesson and i hope she also did.

period.

first...

first entry.. obviously.. ;)